Life: Selfishness

Selfishness

The most instinctive human act is the act of selfishness. It is human nature to priorities yourself, above others. Even acts of selflessness, are justified by the logic that it benefit's the individual. Whether mother's instinct, or charitable acts, these acts of "selflessness" benefit the individual who preformed this act. To prioritise yourself is only natural, only human. There are no true martyrs. If you martyr yourself for a cause you support, it is still selfish, because in turn it will benefit that cause, which benefits you.

Priorities should always be yourself above others, and we all should accept that fact. The more you know, the more you understand, the more you can use that knowledge to your benefit. To act in selfish benefit is the smartest, most logical choice of all. We as humans should all strive for self improvement, self benefit. As selfish as that sounds, it is only human.

We are not bred to serve others. Yes, our acts do also benefit society, friends, or family. But, our acts benefit ourselves the most. Our lives are our lives, all we have is time. Without time, we have nothing, for we have died.

What is the point of this post, you may ask? It is due to the hype going around about the new year. Yet again the world has circled the sun, congratulations. Why should this be an excuse to better yourself.

 New year, new me.

This above statement is incorrect. A new year, does not mean a new individual. We all carry our past, our lives, our experiences, our regrets. Every experience is vital to furthering our goals, our ideals, our lives.  Why should the turn of a new year, be the stimulus to a change in our lives? Incorrect. Our own motivation, our own strive for greatness should be the stimulus for everything we do to benefit ourselves. Every single experience in our lives can be used to our benefit. We learn, we experience, we lose our naivety. 

Become who you want to become. Make every second count, not just every year. Look back, only to see how the future can be better. Look forward, only to see what to do now, to make that future true. Hold no regrets, hold no ties to the past. The past is over.

The future has yet to come.

But yesterday was once the future.

Today is tomorrow's past.

Tomorrow will soon be today.

Andre Liu.

Emotion: Uncertainty

Uncertainty

How do you cure uncertainty? Sometimes you're just, at a stalemate. Logically, to amend uncertainty is to become certain, but realistically that is not always possible. Everything previously discussed in this blog combines into this topic. The topic of paths and parallel universes only is valid when an exact goal is established. But what about uncertainty? How do you choose a path in which a goal is not determined, but a decision you make is the split point between the two universes that can exist in your life?

Rather than cure uncertainty, instead how about a solution to uncertainty? But what is that solution, or rather, what is the most effective solution to this problem? Uncertainty is only truly present when pros, cons, situations, and consequences are all evaluated, yet still unable to solve that uncertainty. So, what are the possibilities to the solution of this uncertainty? What course of action is most effective? Is it to hold faith and follow a path, or try to avoid any path that deviates from your initial norms in the first place..

What do you do? What can you do...

Is every new experience always a good experience? Sure, maybe. If you consider it as a filter of emotions and experiences that will overall enhance your life. As a filter of which will give you understanding of what you want in life, in the end yes, all experiences are... not necessarily good, but rather beneficial.

But at the same time, sometimes you can want to avoid deviation from norms, because at times, consistency can be the most efficient way of progress. At this split off point, at this fork in path, you hold your future in your hands. Of course, just like any choice, you are unable to stay at that fork forever.  To progress you must move forward. 

For once, I am unable to finish this article with a decisive solution. Unfortunately, just like the title of this post, I too am uncertain. I guess I will just have to figure this one out.

These are my uncertainties.

These are my contemplations 

Andre Liu.

Life: Paths

Paths.

As we live life, there are parallel universes that run along side our current universe. I'm not talking about a physical universe, but a hypothetical universe, and everybody explores these universes in their minds by asking "what if" or saying "I should have".

Life takes us places, which are all defined by our choices, lifestyles, and our situations. What if I had done better or worse in high school? I could have been on my way to being a lawyer, or.. I could be at QUT, or Griffith, which would have changed so much. The people I wouldn't have met, the friends I wouldn't have made, the experiences I wouldn't have gone through. But instead, they would have been replaced with different people, different experiences, and a different life.

This exploration of different universes can not only be explored through past decisions, but current and future decisions that must be made. Our world, our life, is determined by the path we choose to take. You can always decide what you want, but you cannot decide outcomes. We can only choose the path that leads to our desired outcome, but not the outcome itself.

Sometimes, if you want something you have to fight for it. But the difficulty lies in both choosing and following the path. Following a path can be confusing, but ultimately you must evaluate whether it is worth it to stay on the path you took, or if it is the smarter, or more efficient choice, to take a new path.

We don't always get what we want, we cannot control outcomes, but we always stay in control of our own choices, and which path to walk. This is the way I choose to live my life.

I live my life whilst considering a multitude of factors.

• What do I desire
• Which path leads to that desire
• When is it acceptable or worth it to deviate from this path
• Will I regret the path I chose

I always try to live my life with no regrets, that is one of the most values I hold dear to myself. It is my life's goal. I cannot achieve this goal, but I can constantly strive for it.

This is how I see life.
This is how I live life.

Andre Liu.

Personal: Confessions.

Sometimes we have things we wish to say, but cannot build the courage to do so. Type in your name, capitalizing the first letter of both your first and last name (Andre Liu), and if you stumble upon this, so be it. If not, perhaps it will reach you someday.

Life: Memories

Memories.

Over time, we forget, we move on, we create new memories, and we live life. But it takes the smallest things to bring the past back to life, to remember that which we forgot. A simple song, smell, emotion, or familiar sight, can bring everything back.

Your memories are not photographs, they do not stay exactly as you remember, they do not capture that exact moment, they are not indisputable. Memories allow you to explore what happened, how you felt, allow you to relive a moment. Linked with strong emotions, memories can bring smiles, or tears to your face.

To relive a memory is to allow yourself to feel the same way you did in the past. A hatred, or a love, an annoyance, or an enjoyment, memories can truly make us feel as if the past is truly coming back to life. A true memory, a worthy memory of contemplation, is rarely ever lost in your mind, unless intentionally buried. A past love, a past friend, a past life, a different life. We not only relive memories, but also bury them. We bury these because they are too strong, too emotive, too influential. A memory which feels so real, a true experience, which reminds your present self that this is no longer reality, and no longer in existence. 

Although it indeed is such a powerful memory, these memories are reminders of things that no longer exist, this in turn brings not only the relived memories and emotions, but also new emotions of regret, pain, suffering, and shame.

A memory that takes years to bury, can be revived within a second by the right stimulus. Suddenly, everything you tried to forget, the past memory too good to keep, suddenly relived within a second. A sudden surge of emotions, both good and bad, running through your mind. Whole experiences which add up to years, can be relived in a minute.

To cherish a memory, or to bury one, memories are our experiences, our life. If the past was only a wish away, we would all live in the past. The new is exciting, but scary. Whilst the old, is familiar, and expected. If I were to be completely honest, I would wish for the past, to live in the past, it was the glory days, the best days of my life. But this is not the case, it is no longer a reality, I cannot return to that of which is no longer in existence, but can only reflect on the memories of the past.

I wish I could be there, a year ago. I wish things didn't change, I wish I didn't have to deal with the pressure of constant change, constant self-improvement. But alas, I have no choice but to soldier on. It is the only option.

The past I can longer have.

The past is only relived through memories.

These moments are relived with both the good, and the bad.

We can only hope to adapt, change, and further our lives in our greatest capability. With new days, unexpected futures, and our knowledge of the past.

We must move on.

Andreeliu.

Personal: Love

Love

I hate the feeling of falling for somebody. It's a rush of emotion, a cocktail of contradicting feelings.

Surprise

Excitement

Fear

Anticipation

Curiosity

Restlessness

then comes shame, and pain.

Perhaps I'm not the only one, but falling for somebody is always filled with disappointment and a reminder of the past. When somebody new comes into my life, I remember all those who came into my life, and where we ended up.

How many times have you said the words "I love you"?

How many people have you said this phrase to.

What happened to the past, what lies in the future.

I don't think we ever fully let go of those we have "loved", whatever that word truly means.

I don't think I could ever let go of some things, some people.

Moving on, and letting go are truly different things. People can go through multiple relationships, and realise that they have not truly let go of somebody they loved.

Moving on is a logical choice.

Letting go is an emotional journey.

A choice has been made, a journey still continues, yet the feeling of falling for somebody new feels as if a betrayal has occurred. Then, I start to think about the past, what has been, what could have been, and where are we now. This contemplation brings a pain, a shame, and a uneasy feeling to be dealt with.

Whilst simultaneously, I juggle the potential feelings of the new, the cocktail of feelings that erupt in my head and heart. When this feeling arises, questions also arise in my head. Who are they, where have they been, where are they now, is it safe to feel this way.

Safety, security. To make a move is to step out of this safety zone, but is it worth getting hurt? But really, what are the chances. Slim, very slim. This concept of chances is what also brings back the uncertainty, and the fear. We cannot choose who we fall for, we cannot choose to stop falling despite chances, and choices.

We are only human.

I, am only human.

I cannot let go of who I've held onto.

I cannot anticipate the future, of what may come from falling for another.

I love the feeling of being in love.

I hate the feeling of finding love.

And thus the journey continues.

Andre Liu.

Life: Progress

Progress

We are all human beings, our lives go on, and continue, through trials and tribulations. Life has it's ups and downs, but life is what we make it. There are times where life feels like it's low, or perhaps even an all time low. But if life is at it's lowest, what else is there but to progress higher, to make life livable, or even good.

Such formalities in conversation: "Hey, how are you?", but naively we say these words, ask this question way too easily, as a formality, without the contemplation of what this question truly means. We simply reply "good" again, as a formality, but we all know that we're not all that "good".

Progressing through life, for however many years, feels so monotonous, but at the same time, time itself feels painful. We get so low to the point of self-destruction, whilst knowing in our minds that it isn't the true answer. The only path is self improvement, not self destruction. Though, unfortunately, we all seem to realise that the path of self destruction is all too easy, we destroy, we lead the path or wrongness, all because it's easier than the true path of improvement.

This is how we get stuck in difficult situations, because ironically, the difficult times are the easiest of them all. Taking that step, making that choice to change, to improve, is all too hard. Despite our knowledge of death, life and time is all we have. We have an unlimited resource of life, of time, despite death. This is because after death, there it is all just an eternity of nothingness.

Friends, family, relationships, school, jobs, life. Of all these important factors, in the end all we have is ourselves. When we lose ourselves, we wont even know the consequences of our own deaths. Simply because, we are.. dead.

It is for this reason, we should make the most of what we have, especially our lives. To seize the moment, to live our lives to the fullest, rather than self destruction, we must opt for self improvement. I personally can say that life isnt good, it has been harsh, perhaps even somewhat cruel. But we must make the most of it.

Life is ourselves, but conversely is reliant and subjected to everything that surrounds us. On the path of self-destruction, or even isolation, despite the cares and sympathies of those around you, their lives move on, with our without you.

When I reminisce about the past, who I was, who I used to be, what life used to be, what choices I made. These things cannot change, but I do see the progress I have made.  There was a time I was worried whether or not I could even get to uni, if i'll ever have any real friends, if i'll be ugly forever. But i'm now surrounded by friends who I care about, and who care for me. I'm in the University of Queensland, studying what I've always wanted to do. I've taken the path of self improvement to stop my unhealthy life, and am continuing on the path of self improvement.

But after all the progress I have made, I still do not see myself as living my life at the fullest. I still have problems in my life, I still have issues I'm not happy about. I have plenty of things that I see myself needing improvement on.

My life could have taken a turn for the worst in the past. Where I was at a crossroad as to what to do with my life, or even to end it. In hindsight, it was a stupid matter to even contemplate the end of my own life, but at the time I know the issue was very, very real.

If I chose the wrong path, I could have ended up with no education, even more unhealthy and fatter than I am now, in isolation, with no friends, a disappointed family, and a meek future. But that doesn't mean I could not progress any more, even if I had taken that path.

No matter how bad life gets, no matter how dark situations appear, there is always a way, a path, a light. There is always a way to change our lives, to take a turn for the better, to make the most of our situations.

No matter what, we must progress, we must improve, we must strive for greatness. Whatever our goals, our wants, our needs, our ideal path, we must strive to get there. Even if we never achieve those goals, even if we don't get what we want, at least we tried.

It is the path that matters, not the destination.
It is better to jump for the stars, and only hit the sky, than to have never jumped at all.

Life's a bitch.
But life will always progress.

Andre Liu.

Importance

You know how to unlock me.

Some things, I will never let go of.
  Andre Liu

Emotion: Stress

Stress

We all hate stress. The feeling of the anticipation, the anxiety, the.. well, stress. Obviously I haven't been blogging lately due to exams, and stress, so FUCK IT. Lets blog about it.

Stress is helpful in many situations, both mental and physical stress is what pushes us to our limit. Think about how much we all have been studying for the past few days, think about how much we really can push ourselves. Situations arise, stress arises, and in the end we get done what needs to be done. But, even then, it might not even be our limit. Technically we could study like this every day of our semester, we just choose not to.

When life stresses you, there's a reason. It's because that certain thing is important to you. Whether life, or physical challenges, or even exams. Stress arises when you have a goal to work for, to avoid it is to avoid having goals, which means.. avoiding progress.

Stress is an experience, it's a tool our minds use to help us grow, being under stress, the reasons for it. It's all there for a reason. Without it, life would be more comfortable, sure. But not necessarily better. Stress from situations in life, from exams, hell even physical stress, has made me a better person, and will continue making me a better person. But god dammit it's a fucking bitch. Learning from life experiences will change the way I approach situations in life, academic stress will always remind me to do better next semester, and physical stress has torn muscle fibers to make me more muscle.

need more gains.

ANYWAY, LOL. My point is, uncomfortable =/= bad. Life will always throw you stress, feeling stressful is a bitch but.. it's essential. We will all learn, grow, become better people, or perhaps just change.

soldier on people.

Andre Liu.

Stressed as fuck. 

Life: Change

Change.

Life goes on, does it not? We all live on, every step, every breath, every second, is our lives. Time may seem to go so slow, but in reality it goes so fast. It only seems yesterday I was at highschool. Yet at the same time, it feels like such a long time ago.

But things change, people change, you learn, you live. I was talking to Myky today, about the past, and the present. It honestly only seemed like yesterday that I was at school, talking to her, hanging out. Now I barely get to see her. But things have changed, things are different.

Whether we realise it or not, whether it's intentional, or not, we all change, some how. We all, live on.

I remember having a conversation with Rica. We were a couple at the time, talking about life, talking about the future, we would always say "dont change, I love you the way you are". Now we all know that didn't pan out, we're obviously no longer together. But we did change, yes indeed. We travel such different paths, and we're such different people. Well, at least I am.

Change is not always bad, change is a part of us, it is who we are. But at the same time, change is brought upon by our past.

I hate my past. I was just, so terrible. But my past experiences are what made me who I am today. 

My past consists of being an outcast, a social reject, being teased. I've always felt this feeling of isolation, just wanting to fit in. I was jealous of those who had it better than me, those who were popular, or attractive. But it made me who I am today. I made a choice to become a better person, to prove those people who picked on me wrong. I was fat, I was helpless, I was picked on, even at church of all places.

But I guess, it's those things that made me want to prove people wrong, and change. But I didn't do it for them, I did it for myself.

Sometimes change is intentional, sometimes change just happens.  But just remember, that no matter what changes, or what stays the same, it's who you are. Maybe you're not happy with yourself.. but if not, do something about it? The important thing is to be content with yourself, and be your own person. Friends come and go, relationships come and go, but in the end, you want people to like you, or love you, for who you are. Not for the person you're pretending to be.

Don't expect everything to stay the same, change is inevitable, even if you try to stop it. We all grow from experiences, we all grow more mature. We learn, we adapt, we change.

Change isn't bad, nor is it good. Change just exists.

Andre Liu.

Life: Choices

Choices.

Everyday we make choices, we make decisions. Through these things, we pave our path in life. Every decision, every choice, leads to different parallel universe, in stems from another, and another.

But pondering on these parallel universes do not matter, as they cannot ever intersect with our current present. The truly important thing is how exactly we make our choices, how we pave our paths, how we choose to lead our lives. Our decisions define us, they show who we are. Our choices, our decisions, they reflect who we are, as individuals.

Choosing a path is easy. Sometimes, knowing the right path, is very easy. The hard part is committing to a path, and sticking to it, no matter what the consequence. I'm not saying that sometimes compromise isn't necessary, it very well could be. But for the use of a very cliche line: Knowing the path is not the same as walking the path. 

I've been told many times that I should be a psychiatrist, because I give very good advice. People tell me their problems, I see the path they should take, I tell them about it. Its not as hard as people think, really.. But knowing their path the easy part, they need to be able to take the appropriate steps to improve themselves, or the situation. An outsider perspective allows situations to be seen a lot better, provided they have the correct information. 

I often come to situations in life where I think what the fuck am I supposed to do now. I can give good advice, sure. But do I follow my own advice? yeah I wish buddy. Maybe I see the path I should take, but choose not to. This situation is what many people come across when it comes to dilemmas, or when its time to make a decision.

For example, I can tell you exactly how to get a 7 in all your subjects. Easy bro, you ready? Study every night, 3 hours a night minimum, until your exams. Its true, it'll get you a 7. Will you do it? I doubt it.

So, how do you lose weight, how do you get fit? Very simple. Run every day, stop eating shit, go to a gym. I could go on, with all these situations.

Sometimes deep down we all know the situation, we all know how to improve ourselves, how to solve a situation, how to get out of a situation. Sometimes deep down, we ask for guidance, because we don't want to admit the facts to ourselves. We're scared of the truth, or maybe we don't have the balls to face reality, and do what needs to be done.

But, there are situations when we honestly do not know what to do, which path to take. Ask for advice, ask for opinions, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that! But remember one thing:

 Knowledge is power

You can ask for opinions, advice, but in the end, you know more about the situation than most. You know more than anybody else about whatever problem is going on with your life, so trust yourself to do whats best for you.

When you choose a path, make sure to stick to it. make sure you can commit to making things better, don't relapse. I mean, if compromise and change is necessary, then do it, so long as it's the right thing to do.

These are your choices.

These are my contemplations.

Andre Liu 

Emotion: Regret

Regret.

As humans, we all experience the emotion of regret. The feeling of wanting to change the past, to change the mistakes we've made. Its only natural, isn't it? We all make mistakes, whether we made bad choices or we had skewed judgement.

We all at one point in life think:
man I wish I did something differently back then.
or perhaps we think:
What would have happened if this one thing had been different..
or maybe even
I wish I was more appreciative about this certain thing

To ponder on regret is never ending. I hate it. You think what if or if only... But this can go in circles, and can be applied to so many different situations in life. It becomes a daydream, and sometimes somewhat of an obsession.

I have one ex girlfriend, just the one.
I regret chasing her so much.
We were in young love, we thought we loved each other, perhaps we did, but eventually push came to shove.. we broke up.

Not once, not twice. five times, believe it or not. I loved her. I chased her so much, back and forth, staying dedicated to her, finding ways to win her back, eventually yeah, I did win her back, multiple times. So many things happened, so much pain, so much confusion, but was it worth it?

hell no.
I regret chasing her. I mean, we had certain circumstances, but I should have let her go, and moved on, much earlier than I did.It was stupid of me to keep chasing her, the more she took me back, I thought the more I had a chance of keeping her forever. I thought that she would be my one and only.

We may regret now, but if I think back to that time, when I chased her.. Was it worth it? YES.  yes it was. The thing we must remember is that everything is so much clearer in hindsight. Did you struggle in school 2 years ago? Probably.  Does the thing you learnt two years ago seem easy now? Of course.

When considering regret, we must realise that at the time of the decision, we made the decision that made the most sense to us at the time. All decisions, all problems, are a matter of perspective.

We must not feel bad about the decisions we've made in the past, we must not regret.
Regret all you like, go on. Day dream about what if or what could be or if only.
In the end, the past will not change. We all do things for a reason, whether your judgement was skewed, whether you weren't even sober, things happen, we all take action.

We cannot change the past, and for this reason, we should not regret.

Take all your mistakes, take all your regrets, and learn from them.
Do not let your mistakes put you down.
Life is full of mistakes, life is full of regrets. The important thing is to take all these things, and learn from them. Learn from them and take your experience with you, into the next situation. Take what you've learnt, take what you did wrong, and do the next thing better.

Take your negatives, turn them into positives. Do not regret, but reflect on your experiences.
Regret is a daydream, no matter how much you regret, the past will not change.
But to reflect on your past, is a way to better your future self.

Trust me, you'll thank yourself later.


These are your emotions.
These are my contemplations.
Andre Liu.