Life: Respect.

Respect.

Respect is not something you are born with, but rather something you must earn.

If there is one thing my pride stands on, it is respect.

In my past, I've been disrespected over, and over again. Timeless times I've been looked down upon, bullied, teased, and laughed at. It was as if my efforts were not worth anything. I was the social reject, the laughing stock. It is those who lack understanding of one's true efforts, which ridicule others. I was never smart, good looking, athletic, or even good at gaming. In my past I've never been good at anything, never fit in anywhere. All I ever wanted was the recognition and respect of my peers. To be accepted by society was the minimum I never scraped.

This isn't the first time I've mentioned that I hate my past. It is something I do not wish to ever return to. Selfishly, I want to be a better person, to be accepted, to be looked up upon, to be respected. I want to achieve something great, I want to prove to those who ridiculed me that I am a better person than they thought. I want to prove to those who disrespected me that I am more than the trash they think I am.

But mostly, I want to prove myself I am better than what they labelled me. My efforts were always ridiculed, no matter how hard I tried, my efforts were viewed as a person who tried to become something they could never become. It's no secret that there were many in my cohort who treated me like a joke, like scum, like trash. They thought badly of me, talked badly of me, and laughed at me. It  hurt me, it hurt my pride, it caused me shame. All I wanted was to be accepted by them, but rather I was kicked away and laughed at. 

No longer do I wish to be looked down upon, why should I want the company of those who do not appreciate me, who do not want me.

Selfishly, I want those who wronged me to look at me in a different light.

In equality, in respect, or even in admiration.

I want to earn their respect, even though I don't need it.

I want them to see my self worth, to show them they were wrong about me.

Everybody deserves respect, everybody is human, everybody has emotions. Attitude itself is a weapon against others.

I know that it is through my own efforts which define my self worth.

I know that the acceptance of others doesn't and shouldn't matter.

I know that I am a sour person, but what do you expect when I've been treated the way I have.

Yes, I'm spiteful. 

Yes, I'm selfish.

But unfortunately, I'm not perfect. I'm the ideal person. I'm just human.

How you treat others, has a direct effect on the type of person they will become.

It is my life experiences that have created the person I am.

I don't think highly of myself. In fact, I have very very bad self esteem.

I'm a weak person. I believe the things people tell me.

In fact, I think I'm worse than what people say about me.

I think that I am trash, that I am a shit person.

But all I can do is try to prove myself wrong.

I don't know. I guess, I'm just a little bit fucked up.

This blog post is messy, most have been lately. but..

sigh. 

good night people.

Andre Liu.