Life: Paths

Paths.

As we live life, there are parallel universes that run along side our current universe. I'm not talking about a physical universe, but a hypothetical universe, and everybody explores these universes in their minds by asking "what if" or saying "I should have".

Life takes us places, which are all defined by our choices, lifestyles, and our situations. What if I had done better or worse in high school? I could have been on my way to being a lawyer, or.. I could be at QUT, or Griffith, which would have changed so much. The people I wouldn't have met, the friends I wouldn't have made, the experiences I wouldn't have gone through. But instead, they would have been replaced with different people, different experiences, and a different life.

This exploration of different universes can not only be explored through past decisions, but current and future decisions that must be made. Our world, our life, is determined by the path we choose to take. You can always decide what you want, but you cannot decide outcomes. We can only choose the path that leads to our desired outcome, but not the outcome itself.

Sometimes, if you want something you have to fight for it. But the difficulty lies in both choosing and following the path. Following a path can be confusing, but ultimately you must evaluate whether it is worth it to stay on the path you took, or if it is the smarter, or more efficient choice, to take a new path.

We don't always get what we want, we cannot control outcomes, but we always stay in control of our own choices, and which path to walk. This is the way I choose to live my life.

I live my life whilst considering a multitude of factors.

• What do I desire
• Which path leads to that desire
• When is it acceptable or worth it to deviate from this path
• Will I regret the path I chose

I always try to live my life with no regrets, that is one of the most values I hold dear to myself. It is my life's goal. I cannot achieve this goal, but I can constantly strive for it.

This is how I see life.
This is how I live life.

Andre Liu.

Personal: Confessions.

Sometimes we have things we wish to say, but cannot build the courage to do so. Type in your name, capitalizing the first letter of both your first and last name (Andre Liu), and if you stumble upon this, so be it. If not, perhaps it will reach you someday.

Life: Memories

Memories.

Over time, we forget, we move on, we create new memories, and we live life. But it takes the smallest things to bring the past back to life, to remember that which we forgot. A simple song, smell, emotion, or familiar sight, can bring everything back.

Your memories are not photographs, they do not stay exactly as you remember, they do not capture that exact moment, they are not indisputable. Memories allow you to explore what happened, how you felt, allow you to relive a moment. Linked with strong emotions, memories can bring smiles, or tears to your face.

To relive a memory is to allow yourself to feel the same way you did in the past. A hatred, or a love, an annoyance, or an enjoyment, memories can truly make us feel as if the past is truly coming back to life. A true memory, a worthy memory of contemplation, is rarely ever lost in your mind, unless intentionally buried. A past love, a past friend, a past life, a different life. We not only relive memories, but also bury them. We bury these because they are too strong, too emotive, too influential. A memory which feels so real, a true experience, which reminds your present self that this is no longer reality, and no longer in existence. 

Although it indeed is such a powerful memory, these memories are reminders of things that no longer exist, this in turn brings not only the relived memories and emotions, but also new emotions of regret, pain, suffering, and shame.

A memory that takes years to bury, can be revived within a second by the right stimulus. Suddenly, everything you tried to forget, the past memory too good to keep, suddenly relived within a second. A sudden surge of emotions, both good and bad, running through your mind. Whole experiences which add up to years, can be relived in a minute.

To cherish a memory, or to bury one, memories are our experiences, our life. If the past was only a wish away, we would all live in the past. The new is exciting, but scary. Whilst the old, is familiar, and expected. If I were to be completely honest, I would wish for the past, to live in the past, it was the glory days, the best days of my life. But this is not the case, it is no longer a reality, I cannot return to that of which is no longer in existence, but can only reflect on the memories of the past.

I wish I could be there, a year ago. I wish things didn't change, I wish I didn't have to deal with the pressure of constant change, constant self-improvement. But alas, I have no choice but to soldier on. It is the only option.

The past I can longer have.

The past is only relived through memories.

These moments are relived with both the good, and the bad.

We can only hope to adapt, change, and further our lives in our greatest capability. With new days, unexpected futures, and our knowledge of the past.

We must move on.

Andreeliu.

Personal: Love

Love

I hate the feeling of falling for somebody. It's a rush of emotion, a cocktail of contradicting feelings.

Surprise

Excitement

Fear

Anticipation

Curiosity

Restlessness

then comes shame, and pain.

Perhaps I'm not the only one, but falling for somebody is always filled with disappointment and a reminder of the past. When somebody new comes into my life, I remember all those who came into my life, and where we ended up.

How many times have you said the words "I love you"?

How many people have you said this phrase to.

What happened to the past, what lies in the future.

I don't think we ever fully let go of those we have "loved", whatever that word truly means.

I don't think I could ever let go of some things, some people.

Moving on, and letting go are truly different things. People can go through multiple relationships, and realise that they have not truly let go of somebody they loved.

Moving on is a logical choice.

Letting go is an emotional journey.

A choice has been made, a journey still continues, yet the feeling of falling for somebody new feels as if a betrayal has occurred. Then, I start to think about the past, what has been, what could have been, and where are we now. This contemplation brings a pain, a shame, and a uneasy feeling to be dealt with.

Whilst simultaneously, I juggle the potential feelings of the new, the cocktail of feelings that erupt in my head and heart. When this feeling arises, questions also arise in my head. Who are they, where have they been, where are they now, is it safe to feel this way.

Safety, security. To make a move is to step out of this safety zone, but is it worth getting hurt? But really, what are the chances. Slim, very slim. This concept of chances is what also brings back the uncertainty, and the fear. We cannot choose who we fall for, we cannot choose to stop falling despite chances, and choices.

We are only human.

I, am only human.

I cannot let go of who I've held onto.

I cannot anticipate the future, of what may come from falling for another.

I love the feeling of being in love.

I hate the feeling of finding love.

And thus the journey continues.

Andre Liu.

Life: Progress

Progress

We are all human beings, our lives go on, and continue, through trials and tribulations. Life has it's ups and downs, but life is what we make it. There are times where life feels like it's low, or perhaps even an all time low. But if life is at it's lowest, what else is there but to progress higher, to make life livable, or even good.

Such formalities in conversation: "Hey, how are you?", but naively we say these words, ask this question way too easily, as a formality, without the contemplation of what this question truly means. We simply reply "good" again, as a formality, but we all know that we're not all that "good".

Progressing through life, for however many years, feels so monotonous, but at the same time, time itself feels painful. We get so low to the point of self-destruction, whilst knowing in our minds that it isn't the true answer. The only path is self improvement, not self destruction. Though, unfortunately, we all seem to realise that the path of self destruction is all too easy, we destroy, we lead the path or wrongness, all because it's easier than the true path of improvement.

This is how we get stuck in difficult situations, because ironically, the difficult times are the easiest of them all. Taking that step, making that choice to change, to improve, is all too hard. Despite our knowledge of death, life and time is all we have. We have an unlimited resource of life, of time, despite death. This is because after death, there it is all just an eternity of nothingness.

Friends, family, relationships, school, jobs, life. Of all these important factors, in the end all we have is ourselves. When we lose ourselves, we wont even know the consequences of our own deaths. Simply because, we are.. dead.

It is for this reason, we should make the most of what we have, especially our lives. To seize the moment, to live our lives to the fullest, rather than self destruction, we must opt for self improvement. I personally can say that life isnt good, it has been harsh, perhaps even somewhat cruel. But we must make the most of it.

Life is ourselves, but conversely is reliant and subjected to everything that surrounds us. On the path of self-destruction, or even isolation, despite the cares and sympathies of those around you, their lives move on, with our without you.

When I reminisce about the past, who I was, who I used to be, what life used to be, what choices I made. These things cannot change, but I do see the progress I have made.  There was a time I was worried whether or not I could even get to uni, if i'll ever have any real friends, if i'll be ugly forever. But i'm now surrounded by friends who I care about, and who care for me. I'm in the University of Queensland, studying what I've always wanted to do. I've taken the path of self improvement to stop my unhealthy life, and am continuing on the path of self improvement.

But after all the progress I have made, I still do not see myself as living my life at the fullest. I still have problems in my life, I still have issues I'm not happy about. I have plenty of things that I see myself needing improvement on.

My life could have taken a turn for the worst in the past. Where I was at a crossroad as to what to do with my life, or even to end it. In hindsight, it was a stupid matter to even contemplate the end of my own life, but at the time I know the issue was very, very real.

If I chose the wrong path, I could have ended up with no education, even more unhealthy and fatter than I am now, in isolation, with no friends, a disappointed family, and a meek future. But that doesn't mean I could not progress any more, even if I had taken that path.

No matter how bad life gets, no matter how dark situations appear, there is always a way, a path, a light. There is always a way to change our lives, to take a turn for the better, to make the most of our situations.

No matter what, we must progress, we must improve, we must strive for greatness. Whatever our goals, our wants, our needs, our ideal path, we must strive to get there. Even if we never achieve those goals, even if we don't get what we want, at least we tried.

It is the path that matters, not the destination.
It is better to jump for the stars, and only hit the sky, than to have never jumped at all.

Life's a bitch.
But life will always progress.

Andre Liu.

Importance

You know how to unlock me.

Some things, I will never let go of.
  Andre Liu

Emotion: Stress

Stress

We all hate stress. The feeling of the anticipation, the anxiety, the.. well, stress. Obviously I haven't been blogging lately due to exams, and stress, so FUCK IT. Lets blog about it.

Stress is helpful in many situations, both mental and physical stress is what pushes us to our limit. Think about how much we all have been studying for the past few days, think about how much we really can push ourselves. Situations arise, stress arises, and in the end we get done what needs to be done. But, even then, it might not even be our limit. Technically we could study like this every day of our semester, we just choose not to.

When life stresses you, there's a reason. It's because that certain thing is important to you. Whether life, or physical challenges, or even exams. Stress arises when you have a goal to work for, to avoid it is to avoid having goals, which means.. avoiding progress.

Stress is an experience, it's a tool our minds use to help us grow, being under stress, the reasons for it. It's all there for a reason. Without it, life would be more comfortable, sure. But not necessarily better. Stress from situations in life, from exams, hell even physical stress, has made me a better person, and will continue making me a better person. But god dammit it's a fucking bitch. Learning from life experiences will change the way I approach situations in life, academic stress will always remind me to do better next semester, and physical stress has torn muscle fibers to make me more muscle.

need more gains.

ANYWAY, LOL. My point is, uncomfortable =/= bad. Life will always throw you stress, feeling stressful is a bitch but.. it's essential. We will all learn, grow, become better people, or perhaps just change.

soldier on people.

Andre Liu.

Stressed as fuck.