When Tracks Align.

Life is a journey, but rather than one singular path, your choices determine which path you take. There are times in life where, rather than walking a path, you are merely lost, and travelling forward in hopes that you find a path to follow.

Knowing where you want to be, and following the path to get there, are two very different things. Making decisions, making commitments, and standing by your convictions, are what will guide you to the path you seek. All you can hope for, is that you will maximise the chances of success.

Do not fear the prospects of greatness,

but rather the acceptance of mediocrity.

Life is a gamble. Maximising your odds is what keeps you ahead of the rest. Making choices, making compromises, choosing your priorities. It is the application of these that consequently provide the life you live today, the life you lived yesterday, and the life you make for your self tomorrow.

Don't have dreams, have goals. Reach for the stars, but do not simply touch the sky. Touch those stars that you seek. Grasp them with all your might. Make, live, love the life you make for yourself.

Naturally, one cannot simply continue forward in perpetuity. There will always be times where you feel lost, feel defeated, feel like nothing. But do not ever entertain the thought that you are nothing.

Always recover, always find your way.

--

Today, the tracks aligned, the path became clear, and is set to be followed accordingly. I'm confused whether to accept this as a small victory, or to understand this is merely the start of the journey. I am fearful for what lies for me going forward, uncharted territory lies ahead. I believe that today, a chapter of my life closed, and a new chapter has opened.

I feel exposed, knowing that I am at the bottom of the barrel, once again. I would like to be confident in my own abilities, but I also understand the limits to these abilities.

I fear that I will disappoint those who rely on me, and that I will disappoint myself. I do not fear the prospects of greatness, but rather the venture into the unknowns. Akin to the idea that I do not fear any altitude of height, but rather the fall.

There is nothing wrong with failure on the path of greatness. Simply get up, learn from your mistakes, and try again. But it would be ignorant to think that this failure cannot destroy your morale.

I don't know why I am so fearful.

But I hope I can get through it.

This is my life,

I hope that I don't fuck it up.

Andre Liu.

The Traits of a Successful Man.

The Traits of a Successful Man.

It is unfortunate to say that nobody in this world is perfect, no matter how successful, no matter the achievements of that individual, nobody can be described as perfect. But at the very least, the things that separate the average from the above average is no luck, but their traits and characteristics.

It is not my intention to hold myself in high regard, but despite this, I can say with conviction that I can view some of those around me and say that I hold a superior position in society than them. I see a more promising future than they can hope to achieve in their later years. But at the same time, as any food chain presents, that there are of course others above me that hold a more promising future than mine. In light of this, not only do I see the flaws in those around me, but I also see the traits and characteristics that hold value in the individuals I envy. I lack the conviction, motivation, and values that some of these people hold.

The traits of a successful man. Do I embody the traits necessary to walk the path that I intend? Success to me is not a lack of failure, but rather to learn from failure, and to consistently fight for the things I believe in, and to be unwavering to continue to follow the path of success I dream that I will walk. It is my belief that there will always be a hierarchy of  society, whether it be the difference between the lower and middle class, or the difference between the grade point average of the students of any educational facility, I believe that there is a hierarchy that cannot be denied no matter how much anybody says otherwise.

I wish I could follow the path I intend to take. To consistently better myself, and be a fulfilled individual. Whether it be power, or money, or a happy family, there is a path to success, and I do intent to follow it as much as I can. 

All men are judged on their successes and failures. To continue to progress and continue to better one's self is not part of fate or luck, but rather a choice of the individual. I believe that it is the threshold of pressure one can withstand which determines the probability of their success. Without an adequate threshold of pressure and stress, one can succumb to the thought of falling into addictions, falling into a sedentary lifestyle, falling into the illusion that procrastination is needed in order to function.

These things are not a necessity, but for some people they are. I am indeed one of these people. I fall into the ideals of relaxation, procrastination, I succumb to the need of endorphins flowing through my body at the expense of my goals in life. Whether it be my motivation to keep my body healthy through the consistency of exercise, whether it be the ability to grind through the studies needed in order to keep my grades in check, I always end up failing to do the things necessary in order to succeed.

It is indeed a matter of choice, but I'm afraid I am not a strong enough human being to follow through with the necessary steps in order to be truly successful.

I have failed myself, and lack the conviction to be better than my current self. I deceive myself by thinking that I'm doing my best, trying the hardest I can, being the best that I can be. But in the end, we all know these are lies, we all know that there is no such thing as functioning at our highest capacity. We can always be better, do better, live better. 

We just choose not to.

Well, at least I choose not to.

We like to think that we go with the flow, that we follow the path that our lives will take us. But those who are truly successful make their own path. They do not let life dictate the place they will be in 5, 10, 20 years. Those who are truly successful do not rely on luck, they make their own.

It is the people who exhibit this kind of mentality, this kind of drive, that I truly admire.

Andre Liu.

Life: Judgement and Hate

Judgement and Hate

There will always be people out there that judge you, the "haters", the people who have the nerve to say who you are.

Who are you, who are you to judge who I am? Do you know me? Do you know what I've been through, do you know where I've been? Know your place. What makes you more superior that allows you to judge the efforts and traits of a man?

Think before you talk, think before you act, think before you judge.

If people would just think things through, perhaps the world could be a better place.

wow I've gotten bad at blogging.

Andreeliu.

Life: Respect.

Respect.

Respect is not something you are born with, but rather something you must earn.

If there is one thing my pride stands on, it is respect.

In my past, I've been disrespected over, and over again. Timeless times I've been looked down upon, bullied, teased, and laughed at. It was as if my efforts were not worth anything. I was the social reject, the laughing stock. It is those who lack understanding of one's true efforts, which ridicule others. I was never smart, good looking, athletic, or even good at gaming. In my past I've never been good at anything, never fit in anywhere. All I ever wanted was the recognition and respect of my peers. To be accepted by society was the minimum I never scraped.

This isn't the first time I've mentioned that I hate my past. It is something I do not wish to ever return to. Selfishly, I want to be a better person, to be accepted, to be looked up upon, to be respected. I want to achieve something great, I want to prove to those who ridiculed me that I am a better person than they thought. I want to prove to those who disrespected me that I am more than the trash they think I am.

But mostly, I want to prove myself I am better than what they labelled me. My efforts were always ridiculed, no matter how hard I tried, my efforts were viewed as a person who tried to become something they could never become. It's no secret that there were many in my cohort who treated me like a joke, like scum, like trash. They thought badly of me, talked badly of me, and laughed at me. It  hurt me, it hurt my pride, it caused me shame. All I wanted was to be accepted by them, but rather I was kicked away and laughed at. 

No longer do I wish to be looked down upon, why should I want the company of those who do not appreciate me, who do not want me.

Selfishly, I want those who wronged me to look at me in a different light.

In equality, in respect, or even in admiration.

I want to earn their respect, even though I don't need it.

I want them to see my self worth, to show them they were wrong about me.

Everybody deserves respect, everybody is human, everybody has emotions. Attitude itself is a weapon against others.

I know that it is through my own efforts which define my self worth.

I know that the acceptance of others doesn't and shouldn't matter.

I know that I am a sour person, but what do you expect when I've been treated the way I have.

Yes, I'm spiteful. 

Yes, I'm selfish.

But unfortunately, I'm not perfect. I'm the ideal person. I'm just human.

How you treat others, has a direct effect on the type of person they will become.

It is my life experiences that have created the person I am.

I don't think highly of myself. In fact, I have very very bad self esteem.

I'm a weak person. I believe the things people tell me.

In fact, I think I'm worse than what people say about me.

I think that I am trash, that I am a shit person.

But all I can do is try to prove myself wrong.

I don't know. I guess, I'm just a little bit fucked up.

This blog post is messy, most have been lately. but..

sigh. 

good night people.

Andre Liu.

Life: Self Destruction

Self Destruction.

Ever since I hit a stage of maturity, I've lived by the concept of self improvement. From what we know, we live once. Our lives are whatever we make them to be. When we move forward in time, we cannot turn back. For this reason, as time moves forward, should we not as humans move forward as well? As the generations continue, humanity improves, as we should all as individuals. If time is wasted, life is wasted.

But we are not machines, that can constantly work towards one goal. We are humans, full of emotion, relationships, likes, dislikes, and our humanity. Logic is the correct solution to most problems, but for some reason the paths we take are misguided  directed by our emotions.

I believe that self improvement is the meaning of life, our ultimate goal. To better ourselves, and our generations. But we cannot function in this manner constantly. Our lives are filled with fluctuations of good times and bad, and for every step of self improvement, it is only human nature to want to feel that sense of self destruction.

Sometimes, we just want it. We know it's a detriment to ourselves, yet we still want that feeling of self destruction. Ironically, self destruction can feel surprisingly satisfying.  This self destruction relieves us from the pressures of our lives and the factors surrounding it. It's our bliss, our forbidden escape.

I live by my own philosophies, but there are always exceptions. There is always hypocrisy.

I believe in self improvement.

But love the feeling of detriment.

I believe we are selfish beings, only seeking to benefit ourselves.

Yet, I care for others more than myself.

I believe the only relationship that is definitive, is the relationship between our consciousness and how it ceases when we die. Ultimately, we only have ourselves. People always leave. But you will always have yourself.

Though, ironically.. I hate myself.

The bullshit we go through in our lives, why should we love ourselves. We put ourselves through such torture, for this imaginary goal of seeking happiness. But we are selfish creatures, nothing will ever be enough. We will never be truly happy. We instead just constantly strive for the unachievable.

I guess I'm a dark person.

Does it really matter though?

Nobody even reads this anyway.

Not a single care in the world.

Fuck it.

Andre Liu.

Life: Selfishness

Selfishness

The most instinctive human act is the act of selfishness. It is human nature to priorities yourself, above others. Even acts of selflessness, are justified by the logic that it benefit's the individual. Whether mother's instinct, or charitable acts, these acts of "selflessness" benefit the individual who preformed this act. To prioritise yourself is only natural, only human. There are no true martyrs. If you martyr yourself for a cause you support, it is still selfish, because in turn it will benefit that cause, which benefits you.

Priorities should always be yourself above others, and we all should accept that fact. The more you know, the more you understand, the more you can use that knowledge to your benefit. To act in selfish benefit is the smartest, most logical choice of all. We as humans should all strive for self improvement, self benefit. As selfish as that sounds, it is only human.

We are not bred to serve others. Yes, our acts do also benefit society, friends, or family. But, our acts benefit ourselves the most. Our lives are our lives, all we have is time. Without time, we have nothing, for we have died.

What is the point of this post, you may ask? It is due to the hype going around about the new year. Yet again the world has circled the sun, congratulations. Why should this be an excuse to better yourself.

 New year, new me.

This above statement is incorrect. A new year, does not mean a new individual. We all carry our past, our lives, our experiences, our regrets. Every experience is vital to furthering our goals, our ideals, our lives.  Why should the turn of a new year, be the stimulus to a change in our lives? Incorrect. Our own motivation, our own strive for greatness should be the stimulus for everything we do to benefit ourselves. Every single experience in our lives can be used to our benefit. We learn, we experience, we lose our naivety. 

Become who you want to become. Make every second count, not just every year. Look back, only to see how the future can be better. Look forward, only to see what to do now, to make that future true. Hold no regrets, hold no ties to the past. The past is over.

The future has yet to come.

But yesterday was once the future.

Today is tomorrow's past.

Tomorrow will soon be today.

Andre Liu.

Emotion: Uncertainty

Uncertainty

How do you cure uncertainty? Sometimes you're just, at a stalemate. Logically, to amend uncertainty is to become certain, but realistically that is not always possible. Everything previously discussed in this blog combines into this topic. The topic of paths and parallel universes only is valid when an exact goal is established. But what about uncertainty? How do you choose a path in which a goal is not determined, but a decision you make is the split point between the two universes that can exist in your life?

Rather than cure uncertainty, instead how about a solution to uncertainty? But what is that solution, or rather, what is the most effective solution to this problem? Uncertainty is only truly present when pros, cons, situations, and consequences are all evaluated, yet still unable to solve that uncertainty. So, what are the possibilities to the solution of this uncertainty? What course of action is most effective? Is it to hold faith and follow a path, or try to avoid any path that deviates from your initial norms in the first place..

What do you do? What can you do...

Is every new experience always a good experience? Sure, maybe. If you consider it as a filter of emotions and experiences that will overall enhance your life. As a filter of which will give you understanding of what you want in life, in the end yes, all experiences are... not necessarily good, but rather beneficial.

But at the same time, sometimes you can want to avoid deviation from norms, because at times, consistency can be the most efficient way of progress. At this split off point, at this fork in path, you hold your future in your hands. Of course, just like any choice, you are unable to stay at that fork forever.  To progress you must move forward. 

For once, I am unable to finish this article with a decisive solution. Unfortunately, just like the title of this post, I too am uncertain. I guess I will just have to figure this one out.

These are my uncertainties.

These are my contemplations 

Andre Liu.