Self Destruction.
Ever since I hit a stage of maturity, I've lived by the concept of self improvement. From what we know, we live once. Our lives are whatever we make them to be. When we move forward in time, we cannot turn back. For this reason, as time moves forward, should we not as humans move forward as well? As the generations continue, humanity improves, as we should all as individuals. If time is wasted, life is wasted.
But we are not machines, that can constantly work towards one goal. We are humans, full of emotion, relationships, likes, dislikes, and our humanity. Logic is the correct solution to most problems, but for some reason the paths we take are misguided directed by our emotions.
I believe that self improvement is the meaning of life, our ultimate goal. To better ourselves, and our generations. But we cannot function in this manner constantly. Our lives are filled with fluctuations of good times and bad, and for every step of self improvement, it is only human nature to want to feel that sense of self destruction.
Sometimes, we just want it. We know it's a detriment to ourselves, yet we still want that feeling of self destruction. Ironically, self destruction can feel surprisingly satisfying. This self destruction relieves us from the pressures of our lives and the factors surrounding it. It's our bliss, our forbidden escape.
I live by my own philosophies, but there are always exceptions. There is always hypocrisy.
I believe in self improvement.
But love the feeling of detriment.
I believe we are selfish beings, only seeking to benefit ourselves.
Yet, I care for others more than myself.
I believe the only relationship that is definitive, is the relationship between our consciousness and how it ceases when we die. Ultimately, we only have ourselves. People always leave. But you will always have yourself.
Though, ironically.. I hate myself.
The bullshit we go through in our lives, why should we love ourselves. We put ourselves through such torture, for this imaginary goal of seeking happiness. But we are selfish creatures, nothing will ever be enough. We will never be truly happy. We instead just constantly strive for the unachievable.
I guess I'm a dark person.
Does it really matter though?
Nobody even reads this anyway.
Not a single care in the world.
Fuck it.
Andre Liu.
